24 hour trip. 1100 miles. 20 hours driving. 4 states. 3 national parks. friends. bison. pickles. music. frolicking. sand storms. sunrise. sunset. one great adventure. (Taken with instagram)
it happened this morning.
i got baptized.
for the third time.
the first was when i was born. the second when i was ten. and the third, today.
i didn’t want to.i didn’t want to.
it was embarrassing. to say that ive already been baptized. but im going again.
but god was telling me to do it. with everything that was being said, all my doubts and questions were being answered.
i didn’t want to do it. i didn’t want to listen to the spirit.
but i knew what God was telling me. and i wasnt listening. i didnt want to. but i began to feel sick. i was anxious. my heart was pounding and my stomach was turning. i was running away from what God was telling me to do.
so i did it.
and i know it was what God was telling me to do and i know i obeyed. and i know it was the right thing to do. but i dont know why.
im kinda embarassed to tell people what happened. not because of my public declaration. but the people who know me as the girl i was four years ago. thhink what i did was pointless.
but it wasn’t. i didnt know the same God that I know now when I was ten. i didn’t even know there was such thing as the holy spirt.
i don’t know. maybe ill figure it out. maybe not. im still trying to figure out what happened today,
just realized that one of my best friends is in tanzania for ten weeks! another close friend is leaving on the world race for a year. and a lot of my dearest friends are all going on missions trips this summer.
and im working my life away. really enjoying where i am at.
But I kinda want to go to Australia…
sometimes i wonder what im doing with my life.
someone please judge me.
i will not drink again when there are a lot of sober people present.
some of my best friends judge me for my lifestyle choices.
im not good at confrontation.
i feel like i need to fix everything and everyone but i cant fix myself.
i am standing by and watching them get hurt.
i havent spent enough time with You.
people who i care about don’t like me.
i cant do this.
But I don’t have time to maintain these regrets when i think about the way he loves us.
Oh why do you love me so. when i ask that, i hear your voice telling me im yours, that i am beautiful, that you are my creator. and all i can say is thank you for the cross. i don’t live up to it. but you tell me i dont have to. i continually shame you. but you tell me ‘i still love you.’
and i am overwhelmed by your grace.
why can’t all girls be walked down the isle by their dad.
why can’t every girl have their mom by their side when they become a mom.
why do parents have to bury their children.
why do we have to lose people we love.
Like about the one semester where my roommate woke me up every night cause she was convulsing in her sleep
#humansvszombies, the only time men travel in packs… AT ALL TIMES (Taken with instagram)
